oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
