I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
