I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
