I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
