I can text with my tongue
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
