fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
