does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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