My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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