Little spoons don't ask big questions
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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