there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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