I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
