Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
