i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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