I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
