I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
only if we run a train.
done.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
