i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
