I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
