I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
