a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
