My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
