I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is Oprah even human
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
