woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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