i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
