That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
