i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
