i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
