u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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