Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Couch. On fire.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
