You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
