Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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