Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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