Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
