The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
