ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
