Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You made out with two different species that night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
