Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
