I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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