i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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