Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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