I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
