I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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