Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
fuck your aforementioned shoe
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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