tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
