It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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