I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
