I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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