She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
