Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
