I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
