He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
