I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
