Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
