giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
